Life In The Balance

“I would prefer to be treated as a criminal in a Crown Court than sit before my head teacher and his interpretation of justice !”

I have previously described my police interview and that this has been the only occasion when anyone has asked me about the events of the 26 & 27 September 2007.

Remember that the police are trained, skilled and experienced in their job. They can detect even minor deviations from the truth - that is what they do and they do it well. As an experienced teacher, I can tell much about my children - almost by sixth sense ... the police have those same skills - so again I remind you ... tell the truth, be open and frank - it will be the only time that you will be availed this opportunity, unless your case does progress to the Crown Court.

In so many ways now, I wish that my case had ended up in a Crown Court. The police knew that I was not guilty and they commented on the fragility of the key witness’s statement - they suspected that I was being victimized but it is not their job to investigate beyond the case submission criteria of the Crown Prosecution Service.

My case was dismissed on the grounds of ‘Insufficient Evidence’. This is a very broad category - and neither proves nor disproves guilt. It is a less than satisfactory outcome; but remember that the police know in much more detail the probability that you did not commit the allegation.

The CPS operate on the principle of ‘beyond all reasonable doubt’ - that is the cornerstone of the British judicial system. The police investigative process must meet this objective - but their internal processes are also founded on the principle of ‘balance of probability’. The police can quickly reach a solid conclusion but then they must be able to provide the supportive evidence - and many times this is not possible.

(It is difficult to appreciate - the police can become your best friend; so keep a note of the names of the officers / detectives who were involved. In my case, I kept in contact with the police and they are outraged by the behaviour of the school; so much so that they will be in attendance at my future hearing.)

What happens next ? You might be led to believe that the worst is over after the CPS dismiss the case - but no, the pressures continue. The school has to now follow protocols and you are notified that you will face a Disciplinary Hearing. The initial phase of this process necessitates an investigative process, organized by your head teacher ... instead of your fate being determined by a judge and jury - mine is now in the hands of a florist - Chair of the Disciplinary Committee !

Part Of The Union

Oh, you won’t get me, I’m part of the Union,
You won’t get me, I’m part of the Union,
You won’t get me, I’m part of the Union,
‘Til the day I die,
‘Til the day I die.

The Strawbs (1973)

Sadly those days have long gone - unlike most professions today, a teacher has no other agency that can provide support. The LEA possess a wealth of expertise in so many fields; law, welfare, human resource - but that is not available to you - without your union support, you are really out in the cold !

I hope that your union can help and provide the support that you need. You must keep control - remember that this is your life - if they get it wrong, it will be a mistake that will last forever.

Understand that this is a partnership, founded on trust, faith and commitment. Make certain that good communication is established and maintained throughout the proceedings.

Realize that you are about to have your career taken - years at university / college and years of experience are about to become worthless.

In my case, that is 30 years of teaching. I still had another 10 years until retirement - £350,000 npv plus enhanced pension - remember that is what is being stolen - and that makes no allowance for the destruction of your health. Your character will be blemished, flawed - CRB records are permanent - even if you are cleared, your records remain - police and CRB - and, worst case - you might face a jail sentence !

My union failed to support me. Their initial response was procedural - they could not offer any advice until I had received and returned forms - rules are rules ! Later they told me that suspension was a neutral act and that I should view it as a paid holiday ! I asked so many questions and received no answers :

“What happens if / when I get arrested ?”
“A solicitor will meet you at the police station.”
“Can I speak to him now ?”
“No, only at the police station.”
“Do you have any literature ?”
“No !”

It was all so matter of fact. “We deal with hundreds of these cases every year.” This is a terrible indictment - it is outrageous that a union should be so complacent that it allows this moral outrage to continue. Worse too when you consider that it is happening to you - do you care and does it help to know that there are hundreds of other teachers in the same position ?

In the end, I was forced to seek support from a firm of solicitors. I was advised to look for firms possessing specialist knowledge of the education systems rather than approach local solicitors. Later, as my case moved towards disciplinary action then I needed legal representation from Employment Law specialists.

I did make two more attempts to gain support from my union - just before my first hearing. This representative made enquiries and recommended that he should be permitted to negotiate severance terms ! That was good - not guilty - but let us all lie down and die !

Be wary of the fact that your union representative will be well known by the LEA and possibly your school. I sensed that the LEA have their ‘favourites’ - in many ways, it is like an ‘old boys’ club and I could picture them as ‘drinking buddies’ - not what you want when your life is on the line !

The second contact was even worse - he trivialized all that I had been through and the actions that I had taken. So, despite the costs, I will be represented by a professional and I feel much easier within myself.

Catch 22

“There was only one catch and that was Catch 22, that specified that a concern for one’s own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of the clause of Catch 22 and let out a respectful whistle.”

“The enemy, is anybody who’s going to get you killed, no matter which side he’s on... And don’t you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.”

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It is a tragedy that our society places less and less faith in the moral responsibilities and duties of its citizens and an ever increasing reliance in policies and procedures. I look at my reception children and it is hard to appreciate that many of them come from such difficult homes. Many children are unable to relate to one another – they do not know how to laugh and have fun. Other children have been denied love and care – they do not know how special and important they are as individuals.

Over the years, the ever more stringent legislation to ‘protect the child’ has become a barrier that prevents natural interactions of life to be encouraged. Human contact is essential; a hug, holding hands – these reassurances and demonstrations of care, affection and love are vital for the development of the whole person.

False allegations of assault, removes the freedom to touch, to comfort and to reassure. I soon realized that, even if the charges / allegations were dropped, that I could never have the freedom to enjoy and encourage these spontaneous demonstrations of care – the merest touch might be construed as assault – even sexual assault … I ask where is society going ? To deny a suffering, distressed child a warm cuddle – is that not a crime ? What message will they inherit ? - Society does not care – only the rules have any import … little wonder that our society is failing and continues to rebel !

As my children learn and develop, it is amazing to watch their personal skills and regard for one another grow. In my class, we have a teddy, Roxanne; each child is allowed to take Roxanne home with them and they relate visits and experiences that they have shared to the class. In many ways, like the Velveteen Rabbit, Roxanne becomes a ‘real’ member of the class and even wears a school uniform and participates in events - here she is as ‘paramedic bear’. The children find great comfort from Roxanne and are quick to pass her into the arms of a child in distress (or sometimes to a teacher !).

Within a few weeks of my suspension, I realized that life would never be the same – eyes of suspicion would always be present, my confidence is gone and the trust in other colleagues no longer exists. You will never know your enemies for everyone is now a threat. You have to accept that your career, inspirational hopes and new ideas for the future have been taken and destroyed.

I now find that there is a stark reality – the ultimate Catch 22. If I fight to win my case then ultimately I must, by definition, lose. For it is a hollow victory – you can never recover what has been taken and to return to an environment of suspicion and mistrust is not an acceptable option. If I lose my case – then what ? Life must go on – not easy but at least there is a conclusion an end to my suffering and anguish. I worry about personal finances, losing my home and many other related aspects of my life – but remember, for months you have had no control over your destiny – now, even though there will be difficult decisions, at least you are now free to face new challenges and opportunities – there is life after teaching !

Living

Living ? Let me make this plain - you do not live anymore; you survive, day by day !

When I was suspended, my family was recovering from the recent death of my dear father. At the time of his death, I could not conceive of anything worse - but I was wrong !

The British Education System has taken my life and soul. For 5 months, I have survived whilst my life remains on hold - no future plans can be started and there are no pleasures anymore.

We had an October half-term holiday booked in Spain; it was a disaster - I just wanted to be at home. Then Christmas was cancelled; as was a planned New Year break.

There can be no escape, no respite from the prison that now traps you - no matter what you do or where you go, your mind remains full of feelings of bitterness, resentment and anger. The frustration is unbearable - if someone would just listen then they would understand and know that the allegation was false ... but there is no one.

The only advice that I can suggest is to keep busy. On good days, I spend several hours at the gym which does help. There is a joke in my family about me not knowing what the kitchen is for; but I find that cooking has become a good therapy - at least, I am eating healthily !

So do not let anyone ever lead you to believe that suspension is a neutral act - it is a nightmare; a nightmare that will leave scars for the rest of your life !

Health

You will need a good, caring GP to look after you. Teaching is stressful - but this torture is beyond anything imaginable.

For the first few weeks, I could do nothing but cry; I still do. My sleep patterns remain irregular and I often wake up from nightmares - usually a courtroom setting.

Within a couple of weeks, I noticed that I could not recollect words which now causes me to stutter; more pronounced when I am tired. Extreme fatigue is a problem plus nausea for much of the time.

My GP prescribed anti-depressants and tranquillizers. I suffered various side-effects for a while and I now take Sertraline and Diazepam daily. There is no doubt that they work but I now feel, most of the time, that my head is either stuffed with cotton wool or that there is an iron bar stuck through my mind.

Binge eating becomes a problem and my weight has increased as a consequence. I have avoided alcohol - it reacts badly with my medication and resorting to alcohol as a palliative friend would be the end for me.

So you must see your GP - I see mine now about once a fortnight; he is so reassuring and calls me ‘Princess’ !

The rest of your family will be impacted by your situation. My partner, who has taken most of the load for these months, has been forced to start a course of anti-depressants and he is often awake at night.

The Procedural Prison

You must realize that as soon as you have been suspended most communication channels are closed. It will be difficult to talk with your head teacher or any of your colleagues. There is an investigation underway and the last thing that they need is you ‘contaminating the crime scene’ - in my case, the head teacher is more than able to not only contaminate the evidence but he can add to and alter events. Weeks will pass by and no one will tell you what is happening - you might be told that a strategy meeting is scheduled but you never discover what that means or its significance.

I explored all sorts of possible support contacts - there are really only two ... your school and the LEA. You start to realize that no one is there to support you. The LEA will tell you that they are there in a purely advisory capacity for the school. The truth is that they are there to ensure that the policies and procedures are followed and that the Employment Act is obeyed - it is a cold, inhuman process.

Suddenly the light will dawn - you are alone - you have entered the world of the ‘Procedural Prison’ and you are being swept along the various paths of a procedural flowchart where no one will accept accountability nor responsibility for you.

I wrote to the Rt. Hon. David Cameron MP and he said that I was experiencing “the effects of burgeoning bureaucracy and the consequent loss of personal responsibility and ‘common sense’”.

Your very heart will want to explode - you want to tell someone that you are not guilty and to relate your story - but no one wants to know and no one cares anymore. You have to wait until you arrive at the appropriate point in the flowchart - in my case, that is now 5 months !

Anonymous Text

I received this anonymous text in 2003 following a speech that I made to thank the deputy head teacher for all her efforts whilst the head teacher had been on long term sick.

This text had originated from my head teacher.

I never received an apology and his only excuse was :

“I was so completely taken aback and furious that having returned home after the lunch, I sent a text message to her.”

His was an outrageous and cowardly action that served no purpose other than to cause distress - hardly the behaviour of a rational person, let alone someone in a position of authority ! I don’t think that it was my speech that upset him as in his response he added :

“I communicated with my Deputy that I would, as I had in previous years, still like to pay for the last day of term staff lunch - meat and potato pies, desserts and wine ! Imagine my feelings then, when I was informed that, at a staff meeting, some staff preferred to arrange their own buffet instead.”

“To go into school for that buffet was no easy task for me I can assure you. Head teachers have to be thick skinned and resilient but we are human after all, and there are limits to what we can and should be expected to endure.”

(He needs to try living with what I have been forced to suffer !)
(You might believe that these statements are out of context but they are not !)
This incident was the start of several years of intimidation and bullying behaviour ultimately ending in my situation today.

It would be inappropriate for me to comment and close with extracts from his own personal statement from www.friendsreunited.co.uk :

“... kept the same doctor’s note about my asthma from 1st year to Upper 6th in order to escape having to run miles ...”

And at university : “Spent most of the time in games room ...”